have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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