My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
