Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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