Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
