One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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