My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
