Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
