Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
this beer tastes like vomit already
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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