You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
