Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
