so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
