where does the pee come out of this thing
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
