life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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