I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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