How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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