oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
