so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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