When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
