I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
