even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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