just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
