I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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