new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
