So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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