I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
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