I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard