what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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