Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.