I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.