I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.