What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
