literally had 100 drinks last night.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
