I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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