Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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