dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
