my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
