shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Even my vagina gasped.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
