Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
