Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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