would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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