He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
