yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
