I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
