As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
