Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
These tits shall not be calmed
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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