Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
