Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
