We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
my liver is dry heaving
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
