Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
