Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
