Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
