when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
