She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
