I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
