The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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