Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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