You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
