it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I am spending my child support on dildos
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
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