that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
