It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
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I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
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COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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