I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize