I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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