my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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