he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Let's get the cat blown out
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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