i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
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