so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
