The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
