how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Randomize
