some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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