Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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