i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Did I show you my penis last night?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Randomize