She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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