dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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