Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
