Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
