just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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