dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
