I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
