I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
