Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
