Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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